Mission: Fruit!
by Jack's Sword
Summary: It starts as an attempt to steal a single piece of fruit. It ends in all out war. T for a some slightly bloody battles.


Mission: Fruit!

Disclaimer: I am not Echiro Oda, so I don't own Nep Ece (One Piece, for all of you who don't read the Manga or misread the front cover), but I am a fairly good fan. Oh, and I don't own Band-Aid either. I wish I did. That is a huge company.

_E/N: This takes place when the straw hat crew was between the Drum Island and the Alabastia Islands. At this time, the crew consisted of Luffy, Zolo, Nami, Usopp, Sanji, and Chopper. Princess Vivian and her duck-steed Karoo are also on board and had basically gotten past the shock of their first meetings with the crew. They were currently using their first large ship, The Merry Go. I tried to capture the spirit of One Piece in these next few paragraphs. In other words, get ready for absolute chaos that may be hard to keep track of._

Nami was relaxing in a beach chair among the trees in her tangerine grove. She was relieving her guard, Sanji so he could cook supper. Of course, there was no danger, as the captain, sharpshooter, and doctor were probably downstairs, trying to steal a few morsels off of Sanji. Then she saw movement.

Curiously, there was something slithering up the stairs and at one of her trees! It must be a snake wanting something to eat, but how was it on board? She drew the sword she had "borrowed" from Zolo and pinned the pink, fleshy snake to the deck. Wait, pink and fleshy!?! She heard a cry of pain. Acting quickly, Nami drew the sword out of the flesh and wrapped the long, rubbery arm around the railing beside the stairs, yanking the connected hand away from a tree, with a tangerine firmly grasped between its fingers. Now for some answers.

Meanwhile, below the stairs, Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper had been giggling. Beside them lay Zolo, snoring. Luffy had stretched his arm around to the stairs. Suddenly, he froze. His face paled and he roared "Ow!!!" Startled, Chopper transformed into defense mode (basically a big, brown sheep with deer antlers), sending Zolo flying one way, and Luffy and Usopp the other.

Luffy was flung off the ship, and yanked back to his injured hand by the tension in his arm. He came with fist upraised. "Gum Gum Pistol!" His hand turned the railing into splinters. He looked up into the furious face of his navigator.

Nami glared furiously at Luffy "First you try to steal my fruit, and then you barely miss my head with an attack that could kill me! Try. This. Again. And. You. Will. Die." She shouted, emphasizing each of the last seven words by poking him with a needle she found in her pocket.

Luffy sputtered indignantly, "Hey, ow, I am the, ow, Capitan of this shi, ow, this ship so this, ow, fruit is mine! Ow.' He then grabbed her wrist to stop her from poking him.

"Think again, Luffy." Nami said and swung her metal Bo staff at his face. His head flew across the deck like a baseball, his neck stretching to accompany it. Then he head-butted Karoo.

Karoo was resting peacefully before that horrible slam to his stomach. Whatever it was bit down, then another large object swung around and poor Karoo heard Luffy shouting from on top of him. "Gitty-up, bird! Charge!" Frightened, Karoo obeyed. Within a minute, it had trampled over Usopp and the still snoring Zolo.

Nami had somehow managed to attach the bloody dagger to the end of her staff with a Band-Aid and was chasing Luffy with the makeshift spear. Over Usopp, over the still sleeping Zolo, and the chase went on.

Vivian heard loud banging coming from up above and rushed out of her and Nami's cabin to see what was going on. As she entered the main deck, she could barely believe her eyes. Well, okay, after what happened on Drum Island, she could. But still it was a surprise. Nami, red faced and shouting, was charging, spear in hand, toward… Karoo? Had she gone mad? Vivian must protect her loyal steed, the leader of the sonic duck squad. She drew her blades hanging on the end of strings, and began twirling them at dangerous speeds. And she stepped on Zolo's stomach.

Zolo woke, choking. He looked up and saw Vivian running away from him, charging Nami, who was chasing Luffy and Karoo. Then he realized that he was not where he had decided to take a nap. And his nose was bleeding. And his childhood friend's sword was missing from his hilt. Someone must pay.

Chopper and Usopp weren't sure who to help. So they decided to help themselves… to some tangerines.

Luffy guessed that this duck with its random charges would eventually be caught. So he decided to go to his cabin and plan what to do from there. He stretched out his good hand and grasped the mast, swinging in a large arc to his safe place.

Nami saw Luffy's action and peeled the band-aid off the mast, making it fall to the sea.

Usopp, from his new vantage point, watched the chaos alongside Chopper. Then he noticed Luffy about to hit the water. He pulled his slingshot out, loaded a tangerine, and shot it at his Capitan's foot. He didn't want anyone to die.

Luffy started to fall, but he wasn't worried. However, he didn't realize how close his foot was to the water. Then he heard a loud thwack and realized something had hit his feet, causing him to swing around at a tighter arc and land on the mast. The large log started to fall into the sea. Desperately, he ran up it and leapt onto the main deck. Then he began running for his cabin.

Nami saw where the rubber man was going and slowed, letting him reach his destination. He had retreated to the masthead. Sure, like that would save him. But it did seem to be a place he liked, so it made sense that he, with his simple mind, would retreat there in a time of trouble. She slowly cornered him. Suddenly, a blade curled around her neck.

"Where is my sword?" Zolo asked, lowering his voice.

"In your hand?" she suggested.

"The other one," he amended.

"In its scabbard?" she guessed.

"The other other one," he said, shouting now.

"Oh," she said, feigning sudden realization, "In my tangerine grove."

Just before Zolo could release her, a hand grasped his shoulder. "Promise to never thweaten a goyel (girl) again and I may let you live." Sanji. Almost at the same time, Vivian came over and attacked Nami. "Leave Karoo alone!" she shouted.

Absolute chaos broke out. Zolo dueled Sanji. Vivian dueled Nami. Sanji tried to block all of Vivian's and Nami's blows with his own body. Zolo managed to cut off his duel long enough to retrieve his sword, bringing Chopper and Usopp into the chaos. Karoo ran around randomly hitting people. Then Luffy decided to leave his captain's cabin and join the fight. He didn't care which side he helped, he just wanted to fight.

About half an hour later, they all were laying on the ground, exhausted and bleeding. Luffy discovered that he was still holding the tangerine he had stolen, instigating the battle. He ate it. Chopper popped up first, and then started his job. Within a few minutes, they were all back up. They fixed the railing that Luffy had broken and placed the mast back up. Then they had dinner and went back to their jobs.

Luffy had an idea. He whispered to Usopp, "Hey, Usopp, let's go fishing with Karoo as bait." And so they did.


End file.
